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Joke of the Day

"Remember duck tape turns no no no... In to mmm mmm mmm"

"I have just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."

"This election has been a bit like watching porn... The hype was fun but now it's over I'm disgusted by what I'm watching."

"My quantum milkshake machine brings every boy to all yards."

"Q: What do you call 4 blondes laying on the beach? A: Public access."

"Brushed the fur off my couch and made another cat."

"You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No they've always been blue!"

"I was standing outside their school waiting for the kids to finish, when a parent came up and asked ""So which one is yours?"" I replied ""Not sure, haven't decided yet""."

"I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head."

"Why did the console peasant cross the road ? To render buildings on the other side"