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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix /r/pokemon and /r/gonewild? PP up"

"I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments."

"Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it's now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong."

"I had a dream where I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. Where the hell is my pillow?"

"Did you know Kurt Cobain had dandruff? They found his Head & Shoulders behind the couch."

"I don't understand the appeal of strip clubs... All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have sex with you. If I wanted that I would be married."

"Don't go over-analyzing my statuses. If I made sense all the time I wouldn't need to be here so much."

"What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray."

"TIFU by getting arrested for taking a clock to school"

"Wife: The police are here asking about a break in at the pet store Me from within a pile of puppies: Tell them I'm not here."