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Joke of the Day

"Truth in advertising #1: Burger King- Your actually having it our way, and our way consists of making you fat."

"Making the arrangements for my wife's funeral is tough. She keeps asking what I'm doing"

"What does a blonde and a shotgun have in common? You break them at the middle and load them from behind"

"What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia? Thrown in a lake."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves free"

"Vibrator factory workers probably check their phones every ten seconds."

"What's brown and runny Usain Bolt"

"I think my entire family is racist.. I was dating a white woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family. My wife and kids never even wanted to speak to her."

"[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE"

"When my kids look back on the photos of my life they'll think, ""Wow, he wore that shirt a lot."""