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Joke of the Day
"Why does Donald Trump want classical music at his inauguration? He wants to grab them by Debussy."
Next Joke
"Hipsters were tensious before it was cool. Because they're pretentious."
"I should have gone to see the optometrist I can't anymore"
"*sits down in a classy as hell bar* ""barkeep! a bottle of your finest champagne please. I earn..."" *lowers shades* ""$200 every 4 months"""
"One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, ""Samsung has had this feature for years""."
"""Do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"" ""I can't jelly my cock up my wife's ass."""
"Me: Your generation sits around with their noses in their phones Niece: Your generation made the guys who wrote the Macarena rich Me: ..."
"What's the difference between my wife and a dead baby? I didn't kill the baby for not shutting the fuck up."
"Make sure you get your ham early for Christmas... Because thanks to Putin there will be no Turkey left."
"When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.... I was shocked"