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Joke of the Day

"You're all a bunch of racist motherfuckers.. The correct term is African-American Friday."

"When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along."

"Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says ""Is that an orange bush, Holmes?"" Holmes replies, ""It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"""

"Tom hanks probably fucked that volleyball"

"They say you learn alot from your first relationship Ya! That's why i'm not having a second"

"I have so much uneaten hummus in my refrigerator, it's borderline racist."

"Olympic Results for Sailing are out: The British have taken the Gold medal. The French have taken the Silver medal. The Somalians have taken the boats."

"Do I play fantasy football? Dude, I'm 46 and married. Most of my life is fantasy."

"I've just been fired from my job at the clock-making factory... ...must have been all those extra hours I've been putting in."

"[Brings a snowball to a work meeting and tosses it at boss] I'm not trying to disprove the theory of global warming I just don't like you."