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Joke of the Day
"*pulls up to a red light with my windows down blasting NPR*"
Next Joke
"This guy came up to me and said he needed a glass of water but his pants were on fire so, he probably was lying about needing it."
"What happened to the chicken who crossed the road.. Got hit by a bus."
"How do you make a Whiskey Sour? Crush it's hopes and dreams."
"I just flew back from Japan, and boy are my arms tired. I was masturbating to all the hentai I bought on the plane."
"Dentist: open Me: *opens* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: wider Me: *opens more* Dentist: that's it, now come in and take a seat"
"Jurassic World was fantastic movie... In fact you could say, they ""spared no expense"""
"My friend started jogging so he'd live longer. He got hit by a bus and died the next day."
"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""
"Why would it suck to be an egg? Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother"