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Joke of the Day
"How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever? He knows a lot about black holes"
Next Joke
"""She must be shy"" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me."
"Her: You should drink in moderation Me: Moderation?You makin words up? H: You're gonna piss on my lawn again aren't you? M: ...In moderation"
"""Follow me!"" Me: Don't tell me what to do, ERIC!!! (Me at an exercise class)"
"Chicken and the Egg were sitting in bed. The Egg looks at the Chicken and says, ""we sure answered THAT question."""
"Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*"
"My wife must think I'm a god... She keeps giving me burnt offerings !"
"Mickey Mouse is on trial for the murder of Minnie Mouse The judge asks to clarify, ""The report here says your motive for killing her is for being too silly?"" ""No your honor, she was fucking Goofy"""
"Fellas, when waiting in line for the new TSA scanners, give yourself some personal ""fluffing"" beforehand. Don't get caught with shrinkage."
"What's better than winning the Paralympic gold medal? Not being in the Paralympics"