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Joke of the Day

"The moderators of /r/jokes remind me of my browsing history. [deleted]"

"What new feature will the next Star Wars movie have that the old ones didn't? Han-free"

"I've known my drug dealer since I was this high."

"We have bike lanes and carpool lanes. I demand a waterslide lane on every major road."

"Why did Jon Snow go to The Apple Store? For the Watch."

"I love you guys with all my ass. I would say heart, but my ass is bigger."

"I took my girlfriend to a baseball game. I kissed her between every strike.... and she kissed me between the balls."

"The bonus of simple origami is twofold."

"Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? They only had 2 trucks"

"Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time"