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Joke of the Day

"I had a dream last night... ...that I was eating a massive marshmallow, it was huge! And then when I woke up this morning, my pillow was gone!"

"[Meeting] CEO: as u can see [points to graph w laser] we- BUSINESS CAT:[comes flying across table & just crashes right into a photocopier]"

"How do you know if someone is a vegan? They tell you."

"What do you tell a Hockey player messing up with you... ... Stop pucking around"

"I recently got a device that can remotely slow down any car And as an added bonus it shows me what speed they're going at too!"

"Sitting in the back of a police car ""Excuse me, could I have the AUX chord, please?"""

"kid who doesn't believe in Santa What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus."

"I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen."

"Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent."

"Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..? Because he Kant drive Immanuel."