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Joke of the Day

"A man calls his boss to call in sick... The boss asks him, ""How sick are you anyway?"" ""I fucked my sister! Is that sick enough for you?"""

"Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your Random Party Pics 08 album at 4am."

"I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey... She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay."

"I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20."

"Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head."

"So what if I used a time machine to kill Hitler but arrived too late? And now he's alive and knows how to time travel? Would you guys be mad"

"I always put pennies in that thing at the convenience store so I can put ""benefactor"" on my resume."

"I wrote a song about drawing maps, but it never made the charts."

"One thing is for sure about people who want to do Bono. They want to screw U2. I'll show myself out..."

"A blind man walks into a bar... ... Then in a table, then in a chair..."