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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the cyclopic tutor? He had only one eye, but two pupils!"

"What did the philosopher say to his coworker? ""Cleanup on the detergent aisle"""

"If you want to hear a very interesting story: send an SMS to your wife with the following text in the body: ""I know everything"""

"""Torture me"" said the masochist. ""No"" the sadist smiled."

"I was so poor growing up... For my 12th birthday, I got half a cake with 6 candles next to a mirror."

"This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired."

"Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, ""I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha. ""I replied, 20 x 0 = 0."""

"How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked."

"I was going to have sex with my xbox but.. It made me microsoft"

"Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou"