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Joke of the Day

"Spell icup Why the FUCK are you watching me urinate?! FUCK YOU!!!!!"

"Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?"

"i failed a piss test at work you guys. Yeah, I made a poop instead! Hahahaha"

"My wife told me she bought a really sexy dress just for me. I'm planning on wearing it this Friday."

"Be nice to bacteria... they're the only culture some people have."

"Do you think maybe humans are gonna evolve with longer arms for selfie purposes?"

"Jack is coming over. ""Jack from work or Jack and the..."" [a beanstalk comes up through the floor and crashes through the ceiling]"

"Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready."

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"Ancient artifacts hint Jesus may have had a wife and kids So he likely suffered a lot more than we think."