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Joke of the Day

"Vampires love tea... A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says ""I thought you only drink blood?"" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, ""I'm making tea""!"

"What's Chinese and climbs the Empire State Building? Ping Pong"

"How does a chef relax? He beats his meat"

"What did one necrophiliac say to the other as they walked by the morgue? ""You wanna stop in and suck down a couple of cold ones?"""

"What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church? Nun is better!"

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake."

"*still doesn't understand when or why asterisks started indicating action*"

"Guys, I found a cure for my Alzheimer's!"

"There something bugging me. I've encountered this object many times over in the streets lately. Every way I turn I see Weed.... les"