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Joke of the Day

"Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*"

"A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff Baa-Dumm-Tsss"

"On a hot day, what did the pig say to the other pig after he came back from the car? ""It's bacon in there!"""

"I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it"

"I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King."

"[date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Wife: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?"

"If you want to set up a company and run it then that's your business."

"Behind every great man there's a great woman who can take whatever he just said and turn it into a great big fight"

"A prisoner was told how he'll be executed Needless to say, he was shocked."

"A guy and his dog Guy walks up to his dog and says ""I need a divorce"" The dog replies ""yeah, my wife is a bitch too."""