224122

Joke of the Day

"My advice for anyone who wants more followers is simple: Form them from dust and breathe into their nostrils. #workedforMe"

"I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA."

"I asked my doctor ""Just how bad is my halitosis?"" ""Pretty fucking bad,"" he replied, hanging up the phone."

"Why doesn't Russia import water buffalo? Because they already have Moscow."

"How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it."

"How do you know your man is cheating? When he drives by her place the wifi connects"

"I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I'm tackling her much more than usual"

"I texted my boss, ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" He answered, ""I don't know."" I replied, ""I'm not coming in this morning."""

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"Who is the coolest person in the hospital? The ultrasound man."