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Joke of the Day

"You might spend a night in jail for it, but raising a cop's breathalyzer and saying ""Cheers!"" before blowing is both bold and beautiful."

"""woof woof"" -my neighbor's dog telling me his views on abortion lol nigga idk if i can agree on this one"

"I'm optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket."

"-I heard this dog was chipped. -Microchipped sir. -I don't care how small the chip is, I'm not paying full price."

"Hills have eyes... They also have ""L""s"

"Beverly Hills - 90210 Denver Broncos - 16"

"My fridge exploded. . . And there are pieces of de-brie everywhere."

"The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me. It's like being a teenager again."

"A priest and a nun walk into a bar. The priest says ""Can I get a drink?"" The nun says ""I got your drink right here"". o_o"

"I finished off a pizza today like it was planning to testify against me in court."