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Joke of the Day

"A fava bean was playing near a meat grinder Then his mother came and said, ""Stop that! You're making a foule out of yourself!"""

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"If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work."
"turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left"
"What's the best part about living in Flint, Michigan? Leaded gasoline is pretty cheep!"
"If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine."
"Fighting dumb people with irony is like throwing stones at tanks. You can do that, but you achieve nothing from it."
"Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day."
"I want to get back on the merry go round... ...but I'll need a moment of inertia."
"What's big, green and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table."
"How long does it take to drive across France? 3 days by panzer"