35

Joke of the Day

"Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day."

"My dad wanted to name me, ""Rusty,"" if I was a boy. Thank you, X chromosomes."

"What's the difference between a brown noser and a shithead? Depth perception"

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb. None. They just beat the room for being black."

"What did the demonic junkie get charged with? Two counts of possession"

"What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map"

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Cause all they know to do is steal, run, and shoot"

"(x-post /r/meanjokes) What's worse than 10 dead babies in a dumpster? 1 dead baby in 10 dumpsters"

"*judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*"