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Joke of the Day

"This actually happened My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me ""Zaent, can you pick a lock?"", I replied ""Give me two and I'll pick one."""

"A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter all walk into a bar. I should know, they all told me."

"What's Afghanistan's National Bird? An American drone."

"A retarded kid, chemo patient, and midget walk into a candy store... [And walk out with jawbreakers bigger than their heads!](http://imgur.com/HwGG6mm)"

"Shoving a hose up someones butt. What a douche move!"

"Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now."

"Apparently my friends think I'm paranoid. I fucking knew it."

"With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Happy Thanksgiving!"

"What do these 2 have in common What does your mum and a politician have in common? When they scream they make no sense"

"Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter."