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Joke of the Day

"This strange woman won't stop talking to me so I'm going to stare at her eyebrows until she gets paranoid and leaves me alone."

"What do you call a group of JD Salingers? A Humble Hindi Bundle."

"Ladies: A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...oh sorry thats wine...wine does that."

"I tried to catch some fog once... ...mist."

"Disney's Aladdin taught me that as long as you have a foundation of lies, actual magic, and one of you is rich, a relationship can work."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck... I'll see myself out now."

"My Emmy party went off without a hitch despite my cat not answering me when I asked her who crocheted the dress she was wearing."

"What's the difference between Luke Skywalker and a black man? Luke Skywalker eventually finds out who his father is."

"Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted."

"Don't laugh at the guy who drives the septic tank truck It may be shit to you, but it's bread and butter to him."