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Joke of the Day

"Doctor doctor I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied."

"Waiter: Did you save room for dessert? Me: Not really, I'm stuffed Waiter: Ok, I'll bring the check Me: I'll have the chocolate cake."

"What happened to the little Dutch boy after he put his finger in the dyke? ...she shattered his jaw!"

"Can I call you? Crush: Yes Errm, I called but you didn't pick Crush: I said you could call, I never said I'd pick up"

"What do a moped and a fat chick have in common? Both are fun to ride but you'd never want your friend to catch you on one."

"[NSFW] My new girlfriend just introduced me to her fetish.... I didn't want to tell anyone, but I just had to get this shit off my chest."

"If you're American & I ever hear you use the word ""whilst,"" this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock."

"Dark comedy is like food Not everyone gets it."

"The bra my boyfriend gave me is really uncomfortable. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest."

"Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food."