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Joke of the Day

"I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me."

"Wife and I go to subway... She says she can't decide between a 12"" or a 6"". I told her get the 6"" sandwich and I'll give you 8 inches after supper"

"Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil. > Sent from my iPhone 7"

"Why is it so difficult for Trump supporters to find a job? Because Russia banned LinkedIn"

"Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? To find a tight seal."

"ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car."

"what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts? One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them."

"Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties"

"If I ever met the man who came up with the idea of lobotomies, I'd give him a piece of my mind."

"Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews? They're nuts."