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Joke of the Day

"3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?"

"I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned."

"My wife has just left me for Arnold Schwarzenegger. She'll be back."

"Did Trump make the right choice when choosing his VP? It de-Pence on who you ask."

"Cameron Cameroff"

"You say kidnapping. I say surprise adoption. Tomato, Tomahto Get in the van."

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

"Getting caught dating someone underage isn't a big problem. It's a minor problem."

"I think mountains are funny.... they're *hill areas*"

"I'm taking a stand. If the stand owners come looking for it, you guys saw nothing."