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Joke of the Day

"I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork... ...it spoons. She did not find it humorous"

"I told my wife that Leonard Nimoy, Mr. Spock died. She said, ""May the force be with him."""

"how do you wake lady gaga up? poke her face"

"What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? Its pasture bedtime"

"My friend just said this: Never be a half assed dog owner... It'll bite you in the ass every time"

"A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in ""I want to be a history major,"" he says. The dad responds, ""No you don't! There's no future in it!"""

"*lights a scented candle in my house *gets texted 500 miles away from my mother Please watch those candles"

"What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you drop a load in it."

"When you're fast enough to be at two spots at the same time. *Fat"

"I broke my new ukelele the other day... but I didn't fret it."