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Joke of the Day

"Surprises are always more fun... unless it's a baby. They tend to startle easily, so an ill-timed surprise may actually upset them."

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"Why do mathematicians love talking about Jesus? Because he's a cross product."
"How do you know if a girl is hungry or horny? Give her a cucumber and see what hole she puts it in. How do know if she's hungry & horny? When she sits on the cucumber and then eats the pickle."
"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""
"The best kiss of my life was with a vacuum cleaner... ... it took my breath away."
"You shouldn't eat Xmas decorations You will get tinselitis"
"TIL that the Beatles had to change the lyrics to Hello Goodbye because it was too ""british"". The original was ""Oi Mate Piss Off"""
"I walked to the bus stop. This morning I walked to the bus stop and I saw a man there, drinking out of a paper bag. So I said, ""Morning!"" to be friendly And he said, ""Nah I'm just an alcoholic."""
"Ford cars and anal.. If you replace ford with anal you will get some interesting results. Anal Explorer Anal Fiesta Anal Focus Anal Flex Anal Fusion"
"So a man walks into a bar... and never comes back for my entire childhood. Where are you dad?"