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Joke of the Day

"5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument."

"Why did the arsonist go to the gym? To burn some calories."

"How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? With a porcupine, the prick is on the outside."

"Why do differentiating mathematicians prefer Manhattans to Mojitos? Ryes over rum."

"Words can't hurt you ...unless they're ""Bet you can do that."""

"He'd probably stop sending me ""good morning, beautiful"" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it."

"I don't like gears on a car, and I hate using them. They've just always looked shifty to me."

"Don't you love that moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide?"

"What US city has the dirtiest waffles? San Diego"