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Joke of the Day

"What does a baby in a blender sound like? I don't know, I couldn't hear it over the sound of my masturbating."

"What's Grey and Comes in Quarts? An Elephant."

"Q: What lives in the sea and yells? A: A clam shouter."

"What did the Italian say when 6 curses were removed from him? Hexagon."

"Asians are bad drivers cuz they're used to riding pandas while eating rice is that racist enough for you dad I'm sorry I wasn't in the war"

"My electric toothbrush ran out of batteries so I had to brush with my acoustic."

"""ONLY 90s KIDS WILL GET THIS"" I say loudly as I gesture towards my crotch"

"Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel."

"My weird uncle Dale has a job yelling at cars on the side of the highway. It doesn't pay actual money, but it's cool that he's his own boss."

"Anytime I go to the doctors I feel so ripped off. Whatever my complaint is, it's always the same damn advice: ""Lay off the methamphetamine."""