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Joke of the Day

"Five years in, my marriage is like Girls Gone Wild: after a few drinks the cracks start to appear."

"The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements which may or may not have included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later."

"If I had a shot of whiskey for every time I thought of you, I'd be sober."

"What's black and dosent work? Half of London"

"I'm a Responsible Gun Owner. I did the right thing and got my gun neutered. Now it just fires blanks."

"What does the study of magnetism and self abuse have in common? The Right Hand Rule."

"Is it racist if a guy with a small dick calls it his ding dong?"

"Is BB hungry? No, BB-8."

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... It doesn't last too long for fat people."

"(Possible trigger) I wanted to smoke a joint with some Mexicans today.. I asked if anybody had papers and they all ran."