35082
Joke of the Day
"If I had a shot of whiskey for every time I thought of you, I'd be sober."
Next Joke
"""You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?"" ""Yeah. Why is that?"" ""There are more birds on that side."""
"APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane"
"Q: Why do ducks have flat webbed feet? A: To stomp out forest fires."
"Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?"
"My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now. I said, ""there's gotta be strings attached."""
"The internet is a place where you can make long-lasting friendships. You can also watch 2 girls drink diarrhea. Two sides to every coin."
"Moving to Africa so I can feed my kids for 18 cents a day."
"[at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* ""STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"""
"If I didn't have to pee, I'd probably never get out of bed."