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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] So a guy in Belgium picks up a phone... ""Hey, who is this?"" ""Allah"" ""Allah who?"" ""Allahu akbar."""

"It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen."

"I like my whiskey how I like my women... Fifteen years old and mixed up with coke."

"Why doesn't Hitler go ski? Cause he's blown his fucking head."

"Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He looked at his gas bill."

"What did the car said to the valet? I've been through a lot."

"How do they launch a champagne factory? They throw a boat at it."

"Before. b-e-f-o-r-e, not B4. We speak English, Not bingo..."

"I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane"