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Joke of the Day

"I can see Alaska from my window and I live in [Joisey!] (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/photo-galleries/2016/01/23/blizzard-2016-brings-flooding-snow-to-new-jersey/)"

"What's the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a martial art, and Judo is what they make bagels from."

"Why do guys not like to eat pussy first thing in the morning? Because, you know what it's like to open up a grilled cheese sandwich!"

"Never trust a tree. They're shady as fuck."

"I'm no fan of Smokey the Bear. He's just the first step on the slippery slope to vigilantism."

"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."

"Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."""

"So I'm dating this half-Korean girl... Her mother's Korean, her father's Korean, and her legs got ripped off in a car accident"

"You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites and so does she."

"Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving ""Black Friday""? Because everything is a steal."