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Joke of the Day

"All right stop, coagulate and thicken"

"It doesn't take much to be a president... ... a liter of the country."

"My wedding vows said ""till death do us part."" My wife died, so I was a free man. Then she came back and bit me."

"There are two things I don't like about you Your chin."

"I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?"

"My friend tried playing Pokemon Go in Vegas, but sadly lost his phone. All he caught was herpes."

"Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars."

"Afroman was going to vote. But then he got high.."

"How do really crazy people get through the forest? Via the psycho path."

"NSFL NSFW It's a dead baby joke... NSFL NSFW What's worse than a dead baby in a microwave?... The guy masturbating just outside the microwave..."