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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear my tribute to Elvis? Thanks, Elvis."

"One sneeze: Bless you. Two sneezes: Ugh, bless you. Three sneezes: Silence. Four sneezes: We'll never be as close as we once were."

"Someone asked me if I used mustache wax. I said no, but it helps to have a runny nose."

"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm. Well wouldn't you look silly riding a cow? I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"

"My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard."

"Called my boss this morning. Told him I couldn't come in because I had anal glaucoma. ""Anal glaucoma?"" ""What's that?"" he asked. ""I just can't see my ass coming in today."""

"What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto!"

"What do you call a smart ant ? Elegant !"

"I prefer posting memes over jokes They just meme more to me Im so sorry this was terrible"

"If you fall, I'll be there. Love, The floor."