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Joke of the Day

"On $15 I could travel the world.. of Warcraft"

"If I can hear you chew, I have fantasized about your death."

"Ladies, please keep it down a bit, a large group of white men are in Washington trying to sort out your birth control."

"Mentally fistfighting everyone I pass on sidewalk (watched action movie earlier) my record is 33-10 but to be fair I walked by a school."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker? Jesus wants to get fucked for free."

"I'm shit at remembering names. But isn't every Tom, Rick, and Larry"

"""oh no, this is so scary or whatever lol"" -giraffe in quicksand"

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."

"I went to an anti-religion camp once It was a blasphemy"

"[OC] So I went downstairs to check the time on a clock... But it was saying 4:04: Time Not Found!"