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Joke of the Day

"ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing."

"One man's sarcastic answer, is another man's stupid question"

"Nothing makes sex more awkward than realizing your kid is awake... and standing outside your door... and playing the harmonica."

"What do you call a cow that just gave birth? DECALFINATED"

"Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is."

"What did Earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life!"

"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a house fire."

"Adult me: I wish I was a kid again. Kid me: I wish I was a dinosaur! RaWr!"

"So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified."