221291

Joke of the Day

"ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"I'm not schizophrenic *yes he is*"

"Police Chief: There has been a car hi on Seventh Street Police Officer: Don't you mean a hijack? Chief: No, he had an iPhone 7"

"Why don't you see tampons with maxi pads? Because they're stuck up cunts."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to come."

"I have Restless Life Syndrome."

"A thief broke into my house last night... he started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him"

"Ever try to pee when you've got a boner? It's hard."

"If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply."

"Darth Vader The first black guy to admit he's a father"