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Joke of the Day

"My mf kid poured a bag of Cheerios crumbs in my bed like she saw the horse head in godfather and thought I can beat that"

"I had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram I was - like - 0MG."

"it's always the wrong ex who gets drunk and messages you a million times about how much he loves you."

"What do Canadian squirrels eat? Eh-corns."

"Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going."

"Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on in my mouth"

"Why is Cam Newton's house so dirty? He doesn't pick up after himself."

"What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common? At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican."

"Recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"I like my chocolate like I like my men. Rich."