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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to John, 'Come forth, and you will receive eternal life' But John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"My neighbor and I are really close. We call each other things like bro, man, dude, boss... We don't know each other's name."

"Screw your Twitter Crushes and Twitter Husbands and Twitter Nemeses. I want a Twitter Penguin. I want a pet penguin, but only on Twitter."

"My sister was injured in a horrific singing accident. ""Oh no, is Carrey OK?"""

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None because it's already lit fam ^I'm^^so^^^sorry"

"I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble"

"What are a redneck's last two words before dying ? WATCH THIS !"

"Did you hear about the support group for people who talk too much? They're calling it ""On and on Anon""."

"Girl, you're like a supermassive black hole... ...because you're incredibly dense, nothing is more attactive than you, and once you suck me in there's no going back."

"Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis."