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Joke of the Day

"""How did you do in the porno auditions?"" ""Well, I got some small parts."" ""Ah, well that certainly doesn't help, does it?"" &nbsp; ^[OC]"

"How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel !"

"Where did Noah keep his bees? The Ark Hives"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It'll kill your dog."

"The best pirate joke... ...is the one you don't have to tell. Sincerely, a ninja."

"Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope."

"[on a Speed date] pop quiz hotshot, if this date goes below 50 mph it explodes [her] that makes no sense [I mouth a tiny explosion sound]"

"Two fish in a tank Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing"

"I want to start my own distillery, but i'm a bit hesitant.... it's a whisky business."

"Hey, can everyone stop making new movies and TV shows for a while so I can catch up?"