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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It'll kill your dog."

"What's the difference between a baby and a politician? Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things."

"I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went Then it dawned on me."

"Did you hear that the DMV is going make all stop signs bilingual for Spanish Speakers in 2014? It's not going to be too expensive, though, all they have to do is add the ""e"" to the front."

"The forest animals are about to rip me apart but suddenly they back off. Hillary Clinton emerges from the trees. The animals bow their heads"

"Just crushed my son in an epic game of Monopoly. His tears flooded Baltic Avenue."

"I used to curcumcise elephants. The pay wasn't very good, but the tips were huge."

"How to catch a polar bear. Dig a hole in the ice and line it with peas. Then when he goes to take a pea just kick him in the ice hole."

"I heard a wild, made-up, native american folk story the other day... It was some Crazy Horse shit"

"What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy."