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Joke of the Day

"Has anyone said, ""Julia Roberts makes me feel like I don't have enough teeth,"" because I'd like to say that."

"What is the most annoying part of boiling vegetables? Finding a pot big enough for the wheelchair."

"Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait? Boss: Today!"

"Treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner, if she stops sucking, replace the bag"

"What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls? Sparky"

"What did the two oceans say to each-other? Nothing, they just waved."

"I hate lollipop ladies They make me cross"

"When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, ""significantly less bleeding."" Less bleeding is good for not being dead."

"I'm 100% sure Zebra's didn't earn those things."

"I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive"