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Joke of the Day

"I have a friend who won't admit that he dresses up as Santa every year. He's pretty deep in the Clauset."

"How did Aladdin die? Carpet bombing."

"Did you hear about the commemorative gun they're making in honor of the democrat party and president Obama? It's called the union worker You'll over pay It never works And you can't fire it"

"Why don't anarchists accept the metric system? They refuse to have liters."

"Last night my wife asked me how many women I have slept with I answered just you honey. I was awake with the rest of them."

"A Jewish man had a son, who converted to Christianity. The man prayed to God, ""Oh Lord, my son has converted to Christianity! What should I do?"" And God replied, ""Yours too?"""

"Wait, you've got 99 bottles of beer on the wall? A. You should be refrigerating those, not putting them on a wall. B. You are an alcoholic."

"If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse."

"Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. ""I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING."" Instant excitement."

"why are sex ed and drivers ed never on the same day in Iraq ? the camel would get overworked"