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Joke of the Day

"Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person."

"If someone broke up with me (doubtful) I would say 'Ok weird eyes' Even if their eyes weren't weird id say it. Because they'd always wonder"

"Cocktail bar.. Wife went to a cocktail bar, she asked the barman for a double entendre ..,so he gave her one."

"Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U."

"""Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she's not herself."" *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*"

"Weird how people think I won't summon Satan when they talk to me while chewing."

"Looking forward to the time when my level of awkwardness becomes socially acceptable."

"Sure, I'd get married. But follow him on Twitter? I'm not ready for that kind of commitment."

"A joke I thought of back in the 5th grade. Why did the robber go !POP!... Because he was busted. EDIT: a little corney, but hey who gives a flying fuckaroo."

"Get $10 off any drug purchase by using coupon code ""Do you have change?"""