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Joke of the Day

"What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him? I didn't do it on porpoise."

"I had a dream I was a muffler I woke up exhausted"

"Why is the grass greener in Ireland, than it is in England? It's because we are all over here in England, walking on your grass."

"How can I give myself a 12 inch penis? Fold it in half. ( ) "

"What does a laser in a church sound like? Pew pew pew!"

"Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub. Wife: ""But we don't *have* a penguin!"" Me: ""And now for the good news...!"""

"Batman based his superhero off what terrified him most. If I followed the same logic my superhero would be ListeningToVoicemailsMan."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year!"

"The school phoned me today and said, ""Your son's been telling lies."" I replied, ""Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"""

"Now that Scalia, the bullfrog of SCOTUS, has passed away... Can we say he finally croaked?"