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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I'm having the most delicious meal in the world and someone walks into the kitchen and tells me to get out of their house."

"Why is a baby so hard to blend? Because one hand is used to masturbate and the other hand is used to hold the video camera."

"Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor......."

"MATH PROBLEM: If you give half of your apple to a friend, what do you have? ME (through tears): A...a friend"

"What did one John say to the other John? ""What's the matter? You look flushed!"""

"There was a woman trapped inside a Safeway, She was found dead of starvation the next morning."

"If Katt Williams had a nickel for every time he's been arrested... He'd put them in a sock and beat someone with it."

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"You are what you eat? *eats Natalie Portman*"

"What do you call a cat that torrents movies? A copy cat."