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Joke of the Day

"I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there"

"Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree? Good hiders, aren't they?"

"What's the worst part about having Comcast internet? Loading..."

"Christmas gift What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer."

"GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*"

"How many koalas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, given that he's koali-fied for the job."

"CASHIER: its declined ME: run it again C: sir, is this one of those fake credit cards they mail out ME: no C: your name is ""local resident""?"

"One Liner I've smoked so much pot the zig zag man has a tattoo of me on his arm. [Jokes] #jokes"

"The worst part of eating vegetables getting them out the wheelchair"

"Sign at the gas station: ""Bathroom is no longer available."" I can't believe it. Even the Shell bathroom has someone."