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Joke of the Day

"Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better."

"Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety"

"Noah had a younger brother called Rick who just built a speedboat and saved 9 cheetahs"

"There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat's pretty pissed"

"A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers. May they never meet."

"They're demanding figgy pudding. They won't go until they get some. What do I do? Call the cops? I'm calling the cops."

"[in a mosh pit] why is everyone so upset"

"TIL I have something in common with Russell Wilson. [We're both not having sex with Ciara](http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/russell-wilson-ciara-aren-sex-article-1.2283745)"

"What did the buffalo say to his boy before leaving for work? Bye, son."

"My friend asked if working at the 'Depot for the Mentally Disabled' was a shitty job I said it had its UPS and its downs."