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Joke of the Day

"911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?"

"thank you all for donating to my gofundme to pay for my surgery; I have decided to buy 600 playstations with the money"

"Did you hear about all the Hamburgers that showed up at the Hot Dogs' prom? They were in abundance."

"I bumped in to the back of a car on the way to work A dwarf got out, absolutely fuming and exclaimed 'I'm not happy!' To which I replied, 'Which one are you then?'"

"My girlfriend let me try anal with her. It made my whole day! But it made her hole weak."

"(Halloween Party) Friend: What's your costume? Me: I'm dressed as ""A total disappointment"" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah."

"What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping? A clean sheet."

"[rap battle] [my opponent attempts to drop the mic, but I stealthily tied it to his finger so it just comes back up like a yo-yo]"

"Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already."

"Did you hear about the guy how lost his whole left side? He's alright now."