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Joke of the Day

"How do gold diggers get you to be with them? They use their booby traps"

"[airplane intercom] good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking why did you leave without me"

"You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you."

"Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? So they can tell if they are going to work or going home while on the bus."

"A guy named Michael was rushed to the emergency room one night and had to have heart surgery.. I guess you could say it was open Mike night."

"QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure? ANSWER: Ask a woman her age."

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly, because they're full of shit."

"What do you call a Spanish soccer player with no legs? Grassy-ass"

"Saturday night is for moaning My name. Sunday morning is for chanting it."

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"