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Joke of the Day

"Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment. We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed."

"Does putting ketchup on everything affect your credit score?"

"Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year."

"Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they literally can't even Like. Omg."

"I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but how do you get them in there?"

"What is the wettest animal in the forest? The raindeer."

"What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars? Top Gear, ^^or ^whatever ^^their ^^new ^^amazon ^^car ^^show ^^will ^^be ^^called."

"Twinkle twinkle line of coke, you're the reason why I'm broke. :("

"""omg you're covered in blood! are you ok?"" [cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly] you should see the other guy"