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Joke of the Day

"The worst part about being homeschooled is getting bullied."

"I saw a synopsis and some abstracts shot down in a hail of bullet points. I guess it was a summary execution."

"You're the bomb! A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East."

"Call your laptop what it really is: Bed TV."

"Why did the cheese go to the museum? To get cultured"

"Signs a Woman Likes You: 1. Eye contact 2. Twirls her hair 3. Laughs at your jokes 4. Follows you 5. Keys your car 6. Kills you"

"Remember they're just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing."

"How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Cut the rope!"

"""Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant""- no one, ever."

"Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes."